Category Archives: Uncategorized

IRS

I’m always trying to convince the IRS that my dog is a dependent worthy of a tax deduction. So far, they’ve resisted that argument, once even threatening me with incarceration if I persisted in claiming her. I guess the IRS has no sense of humor.

To me, it’s obvious. My dog is part of the family and depends on me to provide her with sustenance and shelter. She’s no different than any other one-hundred and thirty pound child with fleas and an overwhelming urge to dig under the fence.

So when I learned about Citizens United and the Catholic church’s newest claim, I called the IRS again and demanded to know, “If fertilized eggs and corporations are people, why isn’t my dog classified the same?”

They said they’d get back to me.


Losing You Wallet

In case you’re new to politics in New Mexico, there are three places in the Capitol where you never want to lose your wallet.

On the Democratic side of the House. Having a tiny spark of conscience, they’ll remove the smaller bills then return your wallet and ask for a reward.

Even worse is on the Republican side of the aisle where they’ll take your money, throw away the wallet, but not before stealing your credit cards.

But the worst of all possible places to lose your wallet has to be in front of a lobbyist. He’ll remove all of your money, steal your credit cards, throw away the wallet, and then criticize you for not hiring him to protect your wallet.


Class Warfare

History doesn’t simply repeat itself, it stutters.

Facing an increasingly difficult election in 2012, Obama finally announced a new policy designed to heat up his base by asking the wealthiest to help out (Can you spare a dime, brother?) But, if his past performance is any indication, it’s more titillation than a serious engagement (remember, he has a problem with commitment). The loyal opposition immediately denounced the new tax plan as class warfare. Well, duh! What else could they say? Of course it’s class warfare. Since Reagan, the middle class has been fighting a losing battle to survive.

And this is where history begins to stutter. You see, this isn’t the first time the wealthiest have accused a president of class warfare. Franklin Roosevelt was called a traitor to his class when he initiated the New Deal in 1932.

Roosevelt came to office at a desperate time, in the fourth year of a worldwide depression that raised the gravest doubts about the future of Western civilization. In the summer of 1932, economist John Maynard Keynes, when asked by a journalist, whether there had ever been anything before like the Great Depression, replied: “Yes, it was called the Dark Ages, and it lasted four hundred years.”

It’s been said that J. P. Morgan’s family kept newspapers with pictures of Roosevelt out of his sight, and in one Connecticut country club…mention of Roosevelt’s name was forbidden as a health measure against apoplexy. In Kansas, a man went down into his cyclone cellar and announced he would not emerge until Roosevelt was out of office. (While he was there, his wife ran off with a traveling salesman.) Does that craziness sound familiar? Tea, anyone?

Roosevelt, his critics maintained, had shown himself to be a man without principles. H. L. Mencken said, “If he became convinced tomorrow that coming out for cannibalism would get him the votes he so sorely needs, he would begin fattening a missionary in the White House backyard come Wednesday.”

And poor Eleanor Roosevelt– J. Edgar Hoover, the cross-dressing FBI chief, kept a 6000 page file on her subversive activities which consisted primarily of teaching poor children. How much more traitorous can you be?

Point being: The “classes” have fought wars before and it’s  a worthy fight.  So prepare yourself for that shrill chorus that’s sure to begin in  boardrooms across America. We suggest earplugs. Warfare is so loud.


The Dogs of Wall Street

During the 1971 Mayday protest in Washington DC, the dogs pledged their allegiance to the riot police and arrived with an attitude. If you were stoned or crazy enough to attempt petting a snarling bag of fur, you’d pull back your hand minus a digit or two. How things have changed in the last forty years. The dogs have wised up.

This weekend, the Occupy Santa Fe demonstration came off without a single mauling. For somehow, the demonstrators talked the dogs into changing sides, to abandon the privileged 1% and follow the 99% . Maybe the shift in position was caused by a rumor, spreading like mange, that Kibbles n Bits was raising prices again, a surcharge on every bowl. Purina didn’t fare much better – derivative trading in beef organs, we believe.

And in a show of solidarity, many dogs allowed their masters to carry signs condemning unfettered corporate greed.

While the more opportunistic carried messages like, “ Will do tricks for treats”.

Either way, it was a good day for all. And we’re glad to have them on our side.


Columbus Day…or, Can you Move your Ship, it’s on My Foot

Columbus day is the day we unpack our telescope and scan the heavens for planets we can migrate to. Through the years, our search has become a tradition like strangling turkeys for Thanksgiving, or mutilating pumpkins on Halloween. At this point in our life, we’re not particular as long as the inhabitants of our new home are friendly. But if given a choice, we’d prefer little pale people with big round eyes over lizard fangs dripping acid but that’s just us.

For on Columbus day, the inhabitants of this planet go insane for twenty-four hours, arguing over who discovered America. First, the Native Americans storm out of their casinos claiming they were here before anyone. Then the Jersey-shore crowd put down their forks and chime in. Our ancestors, the Vikings, poke their head out from under piles of blankets and point to Newfoundland on the map. Recently, even the Chinese have entered the bidding war to claim first rights.

This would be all good fun if left there but you know that won’t happen. Before the time it takes to say Wounded Knee, the accusations over who committed the worse atrocities begin. That’s when we climb to the attic to unpack the telescope.

So here’s our solution to all the bickering: we would do away with Columbus Day and rename the holiday Atrocity Day. Think about it. It does have a nice ring and the rest of the world wouldn’t feel left out. To be fair, we could set up a panel of psychopaths as judges…

That’s all for now. We’ve spotted a planet that looks promising – hope it’s not inhabited by humans.


…and the Resistence Begins?

You’d go blind trying to find a trace of this story in your local home-grown newspaper. So it’s no surprise that cable along with the network news and most of the blogoshere have ignored the unfolding drama.

But many in the know say it’s the start of the revolution. So, just in case, mark you calendar, September 17th, 2011. The day a group of people with no particular religion, political view, or even commonly held beliefs in personal hygiene decided to occupy Wall Street.

In the old days, we’d call this a protest since it’s got all the ingredients for civil disobedience – scantily glad buxom women, bare chested men, and beefy Irish cops breaking the heads of all in attendance. But putting the carnival and fractured skulls aside , what this group of mismatched souls have in common is the belief that 99% of us have gotten the shaft by the remaining 1%.

It started with this message: This is the eleventh communiqué from the 99 percent. We are occupying Wall Street. We will not be moved. https://occupywallst.org/

Makes us wonder what happened to the first ten communiques although we know from experience that the start of most revolutions are a bit disorganized.

So, if you’re feeling left out or the slightest rebellious, there’s an Occupy Wall Street coming to a town near you. It’s rumored that on October 6th, the 99% are planning to occupy Albuquerque. But rest assured, we’ll keep our shirts on.


Always Look Your Best

NEWS RELEASE

 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 Cannon Air Force Base officials will present information, answer questions and hear public concerns regarding the Draft Environmental Assessment…”excerpt from the news release.

Place:

Oct. 18 – Las Vegas, N.M.

Time: 6:00 – 9:00pm

Location: Highlands University

Kennedy Lounge

905 University Ave

 Okay, are you ready for this? What they’ll also do is take photographs of all the attendees. http://www.taosfriction.com/?p=3855 Isn’t that swell? We want two 8×10 glossies and twelve wallet size.

If you’re wondering why spooks are milling about taking photos at a public meeting, you’re not old enough to remember the Vietnam war when the government kept meticulous files on dissidents. So, get a haircut, trim the beard (you ladies too) and try to look your best. But if you’re concerned about ending up in some defense contractor’s data base of trouble makers, wear a disguise.

We’ll be dusting off our Groucho glasses – it’s hard to have a serious debate over national defense without them.